UPDATES!

So, after I hit the publish button on the last post, I received a lot of worried texts, emails, and calls. I think it sounded a lot more depressing than I actually am! So, to clear the air, I really have enjoyed my time here in Baltimore. We've met amazing people through a fantastic church (little plug in for The Foundry) and my job at M.Power Yoga Studio. And I know these will be friendships unlike any others in my lifetime. We live within a 5 mile radius of all of our friends...maybe 6 or 7 for those alllll the way across the harbor (you really should live on the Canton side...but I digress). After we leave Baltimore, the chances of us living in a city are pretty slim unless we live in Europe one day. We also had our first baby with these friends, shared our fears and failures of raising a family, and truly helped carry burdens with these friends. When you live within such a short distance of your friends, you run into them by chance a lot more than normal.

One of my wisest friends, who I will call my Ruth (read Ruth's story in the Bible and you'll see why she'll always be my bestie), and I used to see each other every morning at 7 am, because we both walked our dogs in the same place even though we live 2 miles from one another. Then, the baby came along and time tables changed, but those precious 7 am moments, I'll never forget. I'll cherish the simple words, makeup-less faces, sometimes teary eyed mornings. We shared what God had been doing in our life, what we wanted Him to do in our life, how we were terrified of the unknown, and how we were sickened with the injustices. These morning times were something I looked forward to when I laid down at night, and something I know I'll never experience again.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Hebrews 10:24-25

Kevin and I have also been blessed to have an amazing yoga studio so close to us that I also worked at! It was less than a mile from our house. Don't judge us, but we mainly drove there. You haven't truly experienced Baltimore until you do rooftop yoga on top of the Natty Boh Tower in the summer at M.Power Yoga Studio. You guys! It may be hot when there's no cloud coverage or wind blowing, but the views! The views! You can see all of Baltimore. You feel as if you're dancing in the clouds. We were able to truly get to know some great friends here as well. There were no false pretenses like in most work settings. But, when you wear spandex to work there can't be, I suppose! The owner and studio manager (some great friends) have expectations, of course, but they also want you to feel comfortable to be you. They want your creative side to flow with no dam to stop it! We will truly miss every single person there. 

Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.

1 Peter 3:8

And referring back to my last blog post, I still do feel like I wasted so many of my days here in Maryland. We first lived in Silver Spring in the middle of everything! We walked everywhere. And yet, there were some days where I stayed inside and talked to no one. I didn't want to be there. I wanted out. It didn't feel like home. It felt like a chore to be married and living where we were. I look back on this and realize, as well, that I was also learning to be a wife and live not as a single person, serving not only my needs but also Kevin's. (So, that could be another post!) Every time we moved to a different place in Maryland, my heart would grow a little harder towards this state. We couldn't afford anything we truly wanted, I wasn't moving any closer to my family, I had no close friends like in college, etc. It was tough! But, I don't think it's something unique that just I went through. I've heard from so many friends that they were lonely right out of college. They moved away from their home state, got married (or not), and had to make friends in a different way than we were used to doing. 

Moving forward is tough.  But..."There is no growth without change; there is no change without fear or loss; and there is no loss without pain." Rick Warren

I love that quote by Rick Warren. Change is gradual and slow and hurts sometimes...most of the times! But there is abundant learning we can do in the waiting and during that growth. I think that's why I feel like I wasted while living here. I didn't embrace the growth that was happening. I didn't completely surrender to God's plan for my life here. I surrendered a pinky toe here and thumbnail there, but I didn't dive in and fulfill my purpose while I was here.  It frustrates me when I think about all of the opportunities I missed to serve or be more involved with my community. But, there is still hope! I'm still living, right?! I can use this knowledge to still serve where we are going. I can truly surrender to my purpose for this life here on earth.

 "Victory comes through surrender...Surrender is not the best way to live; it is the only way to live. Nothing else works. All other approaches lead to frustration, disappointment, and self-destruction." Rick Warren

A short collection of memories in Baltimore...yes, most are of Hallen. You try having a cute kid and taking pictures of something other than them! 

Cousins!

Bests from The Foundry

Where our little love was born.

She showed us she knew how to take her diaper off....

Baby dedications with our best friends and their little boy.

Soul mates.

See...Hallen's not photogenic in every photo! These two could be brother and sister...although he was Hallen's first kiss :) 

She turned one here.

Some fun!

Taking a stroll in the neighborhood.

Comparing her at 3 days old and 1 year old!

This concrete jungle is our backyard. Comes complete with a real life train set.

Wasted

I've wanted to move back down south for about four years now. That's the entire time I've been married. That's four years of living in a game of tug of war..."I live here, but I want to live THERE!" Four years of not being content. Four years of trying not to settle into my life. Four years of pretending I don't live in Maryland. Four years wasted.

Wasted.

We even own a home here now! And yet, part of me still isn't settled here in Charm City. I've met some of the sweetest, most genuine people I think I'll ever meet this side of Heaven. When I'm with our closest friends, I can sincerely say I have the feeling of "being at home." But when I'm surrounded by my four walls or out on a walk all alone with just the baby and the dog, I feel lonely, uneasy, and anxious. I have this feeling that I need to escape this city.

The more I think about this feeling, this overwhelming desire to flee, the more I realize that moving back to the south probably won't shake this feeling. It may for a few months or even years, but this feeling of not being home is because this earth is my temporary home, and my soul is begging for Heaven...the place where there is no sorrow and pain. There are days when I just have to speak the word "contentment" over and over in my head. I truly desire to to be like Paul in the Bible...content in every situation. Some days, I do find this peace and contentment. I find it when I know I'm truly resting in the LORD and casting my anxieties upon Him. It's so NOT easy for me to do! My human nature screams to be in control and have no one help me (Just ask my husband)! That's a whole other topic though!

When I think about the days wasted being discontent, I automatically get this feeling that something needs to change. I can't spend another four years daydreaming about the greener grass. I have to find joy in the here and now. I have to live out my purpose in this life while waiting for eternity with our sweet Heavenly Father. I'm still breathing for a reason. I am where I am at this very moment for a particular reason. It's not to fulfill my plans and dreams, but to know what His desires and plans are for me and pray that those become my passion and my drive.

Bonnet:Woven November Vest: Leluna Star Jumper: The Baby Bird Boutique Boots: Sweet 'n Swag

As Kevin and I move our little family down south in a few weeks, I pray that we will find what God has in mind for us down there. I pray that we avoid secluding ourselves in a big suburban neighborhood and remember that our neighbors are our neighbors for a reason. We are being relocated to Charlotte for a reason. And no matter where we live, our priority is still to fulfill God's purpose that He had in mind for us before He even created us.

Life Lately

Photos, photos, and more photos. If you've seen me lately, I've probably been holding my camera, standing near my camera, or wishing I had brought my camera with me! Having a baby (the cutest one, at that), has made me dive into a longtime desire of mine to learn more about photography. I want to learn how light works; how to make someone feel a certain emotion by looking at a still frame; capture those tiny, fleeting moments. It's been such a fun process learning a new skill over the past 8 months.
I still have an exorbitant amount of pieces to the puzzle to still put together, but discovering each new piece feels like I'm diving deeper and deeper into who I really am. I can't explain it without sounding like photography has become my religion...because that's definitely not the case. It's like I'm finally doing something with the gifts God gave me years and years ago. He gave me an eye for beauty and a heart that loves to see joy and express that joy in what I do.
I do have plans to start a small photography business-mainly natural lighting photography-mostly babies, maybe some fashion, engagement shoots, or maternity shoots. I desperately want others to have their favorite memories tucked away in their "treasure chest" for years to come. I've realized since becoming a mom that a moment is exactly that. It's a moment, never to happen again. And how special is it to be able to carry a certain memory with you forever, not only in your heart, but in your hands or on your wall?! I would love to be able to follow people for a day just in their normal routine, so that all of those little things you love can be kept in a still frame.
It's been really nice to have a willing subject at my side on a daily basis to practice on! Good thing she isn't camera shy, and will work for cookies so I don't go broke!

All of the photos below were taken on a Canon 7D, 50mm 1.4 lens

Hat: Grace and Grace Co Leg Warmers: Snugars Boots: Gracious May

Dress: Fancy Little Fox Shoes and Purse: Nixons Nook Bow: Ribbies Clippies

Halloween for the Littles

Halloween isn't about haunted houses, scary masks, and trickery for your little babies. It's about big orange pumpkins, dressing in something adorable, and maybe going around door-to-door on Halloween night. If this is your baby's first Halloween, there are so many fun activities you can do that are interactive and fun for them. No candy or choking hazards involved! Engage their senses by getting a little messy and a little imaginative.

Bust out the finger paints (washable, of course). Make some art. Your little one may not know what they're making, but the feeling of paint on their hands and feet will be fun and excite them. Make some ghosts, candy corn, and little Frankensteins. This would be a fun gift to give Grandma and Grandpa, especially if they live far away.

Instructions can be found at Lift With My Littles.

You could even put their footprints on a canvas to hang on the wall to decorate! From Momstown.ca

Pumpkins are fun for every age, and it's the one object that tells us we're nearing Halloween. First, head to the nearest pumpkin patch (or grocery store...I'm not judging) and pick out your favorite pumpkins. That's a fun Halloween activity on it's own that everyone can participate in. If you're lucky, the farm you go to will give you a hay ride around their farm.


Once you bring your pumpkins home, it's time to get creative! Carving pumpkins can be a little dangerous for a baby to dive into, so why not use the same paint as you used for their little footprints to paint pumpkins. You'll have to help steady their hand, and it may be a project that only lasts two minutes, but the point is for them to have a little messy fun! If you have older children, you can include sequins, buttons, stickers, or other crafting materials to put in the paint. If you want to take it even further, you could cut out shapes (like a black cat or witch's hat) to put on their pumpkin!  After everyone is done, you'll have a few "masterpieces" for your mantle or stoop.

More instructions and inspiration at The Imagination Tree.

Another fun, pumpkin inspired project, that's fun for all ages is using a felt pumpkin to decorate as a jack-o-lantern. You can make all sorts of silly faces with this one. The options are endless. Young babies will like the texture of playing with felt and giggling at the faces either you or an older sibling make out of them. The older children will have fun by making lots of jack-o-lantern faces! You could even have a pumpkin "carving" contest this way without the mess or risk of losing a finger!

You can be creative with all of the face pieces with this one! From Two Big Two Little

Another activity that's really easy to do, and still involves the whole family, is to carve pumpkins with your older children (or your significant other). Then, put all the pumpkin goop into a big Ziploc bag for your baby to play with. Little babies love feeling different textures. It's how they learn! So why not let them feel that ooey gooey center of a pumpkin...mess free! (If you can't tell, I'm all about less mess right now since having a one year old involves cleaning up all the time!) Tape it to a window, like Jenae, from I Can't Teach My Child did for her little girl. After your little one is done playing with the pumpkin bag, you could even separate the seeds and toast them.

I Can't Teach My Child

There's so much to do with our little babies. Enjoy watching them experience everything for the first time this Halloween!

Costume Round-Up for Your Little Princess

This year will be Hallen's first Halloween. We don't do many decorations, because it's not really our thing. However, I do LOVE to see little people coming to my door dressed in something that their imagination created. It makes my heart happy! So, I'm just guessing that everyone else's heart also does the happy dance when miniature heroes and princesses ring your doorbell and ask for candy (in the trick-or-treat fashion, of course).

I've been looking at so many things that she could be for Halloween. I want it to be something creative, because I know one day that she'll get to choose, and I probably won't like it as much as something I would choose. But for now, her fashion choice is my fashion choice (she told me she likes my style, so no worries)! While she's young and has no opinion on what to wear, I don't have to dress her in the most popular princess costume or the latest and greatest cartoon character. I can dress her in an adorable, one of a kind (maybe matching her father and I) costume. In the midst of looking for creative ideas, all I know is that I want her (I need her) to wear a big tutu as part of her outfit! And the bigger the better. I am originally from the south, so I need the dramatic effect. She'll only be able to get away wearing a gigantic tutu for so long!

If this is your first Halloween with your scrumptious little peanut, I know you want all the adoring looks for her! So, all of you moms out there who are wondering what to dress your cute mini me in that is creative and adds a little drama (good drama), here are my top picks.

Black Cat

A black kitten is always a great classic, but a tutu on your little kitty is such a sweet new take!

Giraffe

 Little ones around one year old love animals and learning new animal noises, so why not dress them as their favorite animal...and add a tutu! I can imagine that Hallen would love dressing as a giant Sophie or a cute puppy!

A superhero

It's so adorable seeing mini Spiderman and mini Batman arriving at my door with their padded costumes making these teeny little boys look like they had a couple protein shakes before they came. What would be cuter than a tutu-wearing accomplice?  It'd be a sight for sore eyes! Pick whatever superhero you loved as a child...and add a tutu!

Candy corn

Candy corn should be the national symbol for Halloween, in my humble opinion. That's the first thing that always pops into my mind! It's everywhere. If it's one of your Halloween addictions, this is definitely the costume for your little princess. It'll be the sweetest thing your neighbors will see all night (no pun intended)!

Cabbage Patch Doll hair from Yumbaby

You're right...there isn't a tutu on either of these sweet dolls pictured above, but what a great costume! A Cabbage Patch Doll is brilliant when you have a little girl. You don't have to spend too much money to make them look like too different since your princess already comes with her own soft cheeks and big eyes! 

Unicorn (Romper from Belle Threads)

And last but not least, a unicorn. Such a magical little costume. Imagination is key here. Some bright colors, some tulle, and something reminiscent of a horn on her head.

Our Stories...

God is good. I could say just those three words and this post would be wrapped up, but I really want you to know why He is so incredibly good. As you know, Kevin and I have dealt with infertility issues. It's a heart wrenching experience to go through and wouldn't wish it on anyone else. Here's the "funny" thing, though...other people do deal with this. Close friends deal with this. And I've been blessed to know people who have had children through years of going through miscarriages, infertility treatments, unexplained infertility, and so much more. They have miracle stories that are even more powerful than mine.

When Kevin and I were experiencing our lowest points through this journey, other women's stories helped me more than anything. I loved to read their stories of how their little nugget of gold finally did come! God was waiting, so His glory would be shown even more so than if that child came right away. (I'm not saying that if you do get pregnant right away that it's not just as much of a miracle. There are just different ways for God to show His glory and different scripts to write for His kingdom to grow).

Photos by Fatima

I want to introduce my friend, Leah at "Journey With Gabe." I would tell you all of her story, but she's already done a great job of that on her own blog. Please, please read her latest post on her little boy. Her miracle. Her little gold nugget. I cried (which doesn't take much) tears of pain and joy while reading it and just want to scoop her little boy up in my arms and hug him.

Zeke's Heart

It's another story that shows who our true Redeemer is and who we need to trust and keep trusting every second of every day. This story should give hope to those struggling with infertility and to mothers holding their children in their arms to celebrate life! Celebrate through the truly tough and trying times, whether that be looking at yet another negative pregnancy test or a bad medical report from your little one's pediatrician. 

I hope you enjoyed her story as much as I did.