Not Drowning

17 "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. 18 He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. 19 They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support. 20 He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me." 2 Samuel 22:17-20

This has always been one of my favorite passages in the Bible. It has brought me through some of the toughest places in my life. I've been clinging to it since I was 15 years old, in and in the hospital for two months recovering from an eating disorder.  And after that two month stint in the hospital, He brought me to a spacious place. He rescued me from something that had robbed me of of a beautiful, "normal," playful 15-year old life. The LORD has constantly been there for me during all of my trials - no matter how big or small. 

I have to often remind myself of this passage and of His desire to do good in my life. During this trial of infertility, there are so many attacks from the devil. Daily. Hourly. I have to continuously give my burdens to God. I'm not good at this by any means. I'm learning so much through this. Patience is something I have to ask for on an hourly basis. On days like today when I was thrown a real curveball, all I can ask for is strength to walk. Strength to hold my tears back through the work day. Strength to still believe that He IS indeed working in my life. He hasn't left me. He hasn't deserted me to work on someone else's problems that are greater that mine. Strength. 

Courage to fight the battle that still lies ahead. Courage to hold my head up high and put one foot in front of the other. Courage to not fear the unknown. There are often times too many things happening for my head and heart to soak up everything that is going on around me. During those emotional times, I forget to let God in. He should be the first thing I seek out when emotions of being rejected, broken, and unworthy flood my veins and flow out my eyes. 

I need to remember that He has an amazing place planned for me. He will rescue me from those who seek to destroy me. He'll support me and guide me through these deep waters when I feel like I'm drowning and one more wave will pull me under for good. I have to keep treading. Keep holding His hand and remember that "He doesn't abandon His special possession (Psalm 94:14)."


LORD, you have consistently and constantly been with me since before I was born. You knew every step I would take and every time I would try to push you away. Allow me to be vulnerable and open up to you and those who care about me. Show me how to put on my armor of courage and strength to fight this battle, but remind me that it's okay to be mad, upset, and curl up into a ball and just cry. Don't let me feed these emotions with other idols, though. Remind me to come to you first. Cry out to you. You have rescued me in the past. You will rescue me again. You have always been my support and You are my support now. Don't let me drown in these murky waters. I give you my hurts, Father. I trust that your plans are the best for my life. I couldn't write a better script. I trust you with me. Amen.