Friday, March 11, 2016

UPDATES!

So, after I hit the publish button on the last post, I received a lot of worried texts, emails, and calls. I think it sounded a lot more depressing than I actually am! So, to clear the air, I really have enjoyed my time here in Baltimore. We've met amazing people through a fantastic church (little plug in for The Foundry) and my job at M.Power Yoga Studio. And I know these will be friendships unlike any others in my lifetime. We live within a 5 mile radius of all of our friends...maybe 6 or 7 for those alllll the way across the harbor (you really should live on the Canton side...but I digress). After we leave Baltimore, the chances of us living in a city are pretty slim unless we live in Europe one day. We also had our first baby with these friends, shared our fears and failures of raising a family, and truly helped carry burdens with these friends. When you live within such a short distance of your friends, you run into them by chance a lot more than normal.

One of my wisest friends, who I will call my Ruth (read Ruth's story in the Bible and you'll see why she'll always be my bestie), and I used to see each other every morning at 7 am, because we both walked our dogs in the same place even though we live 2 miles from one another. Then, the baby came along and time tables changed, but those precious 7 am moments, I'll never forget. I'll cherish the simple words, makeup-less faces, sometimes teary eyed mornings. We shared what God had been doing in our life, what we wanted Him to do in our life, how we were terrified of the unknown, and how we were sickened with the injustices. These morning times were something I looked forward to when I laid down at night, and something I know I'll never experience again.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Hebrews 10:24-25

Kevin and I have also been blessed to have an amazing yoga studio so close to us that I also worked at! It was less than a mile from our house. Don't judge us, but we mainly drove there. You haven't truly experienced Baltimore until you do rooftop yoga on top of the Natty Boh Tower in the summer at M.Power Yoga Studio. You guys! It may be hot when there's no cloud coverage or wind blowing, but the views! The views! You can see all of Baltimore. You feel as if you're dancing in the clouds. We were able to truly get to know some great friends here as well. There were no false pretenses like in most work settings. But, when you wear spandex to work there can't be, I suppose! The owner and studio manager (some great friends) have expectations, of course, but they also want you to feel comfortable to be you. They want your creative side to flow with no dam to stop it! We will truly miss every single person there. 

Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.
1 Peter 3:8



And referring back to my last blog post, I still do feel like I wasted so many of my days here in Maryland. We first lived in Silver Spring in the middle of everything! We walked everywhere. And yet, there were some days where I stayed inside and talked to no one. I didn't want to be there. I wanted out. It didn't feel like home. It felt like a chore to be married and living where we were. I look back on this and realize, as well, that I was also learning to be a wife and live not as a single person, serving not only my needs but also Kevin's. (So, that could be another post!) Every time we moved to a different place in Maryland, my heart would grow a little harder towards this state. We couldn't afford anything we truly wanted, I wasn't moving any closer to my family, I had no close friends like in college, etc. It was tough! But, I don't think it's something unique that just I went through. I've heard from so many friends that they were lonely right out of college. They moved away from their home state, got married (or not), and had to make friends in a different way than we were used to doing. 

Moving forward is tough.  But..."There is no growth without change; there is no change without fear or loss; and there is no loss without pain." Rick Warren

I love that quote by Rick Warren. Change is gradual and slow and hurts sometimes...most of the times! But there is abundant learning we can do in the waiting and during that growth. I think that's why I feel like I wasted while living here. I didn't embrace the growth that was happening. I didn't completely surrender to God's plan for my life here. I surrendered a pinky toe here and thumbnail there, but I didn't dive in and fulfill my purpose while I was here.  It frustrates me when I think about all of the opportunities I missed to serve or be more involved with my community. But, there is still hope! I'm still living, right?! I can use this knowledge to still serve where we are going. I can truly surrender to my purpose for this life here on earth.

 "Victory comes through surrender...Surrender is not the best way to live; it is the only way to live. Nothing else works. All other approaches lead to frustration, disappointment, and self-destruction." Rick Warren


A short collection of memories in Baltimore...yes, most are of Hallen. You try having a cute kid and taking pictures of something other than them! 


Cousins!


Bests from The Foundry


Where our little love was born.




She showed us she knew how to take her diaper off....



Baby dedications with our best friends and their little boy.

Soul mates.

See...Hallen's not photogenic in every photo! These two could be brother and sister...although he was Hallen's first kiss :) 

She turned one here.



Some fun!

Taking a stroll in the neighborhood.

Comparing her at 3 days old and 1 year old!


This concrete jungle is our backyard. Comes complete with a real life train set.

Saturday, March 5, 2016

Wasted

I've wanted to move back down south for about four years now. That's the entire time I've been married. That's four years of living in a game of tug of war..."I live here, but I want to live THERE!" Four years of not being content. Four years of trying not to settle into my life. Four years of pretending I don't live in Maryland. Four years wasted.

Wasted.

We even own a home here now! And yet, part of me still isn't settled here in Charm City. I've met some of the sweetest, most genuine people I think I'll ever meet this side of Heaven. When I'm with our closest friends, I can sincerely say I have the feeling of "being at home." But when I'm surrounded by my four walls or out on a walk all alone with just the baby and the dog, I feel lonely, uneasy, and anxious. I have this feeling that I need to escape this city.

The more I think about this feeling, this overwhelming desire to flee, the more I realize that moving back to the south probably won't shake this feeling. It may for a few months or even years, but this feeling of not being home is because this earth is my temporary home, and my soul is begging for Heaven...the place where there is no sorrow and pain. There are days when I just have to speak the word "contentment" over and over in my head. I truly desire to to be like Paul in the Bible...content in every situation. Some days, I do find this peace and contentment. I find it when I know I'm truly resting in the LORD and casting my anxieties upon Him. It's so NOT easy for me to do! My human nature screams to be in control and have no one help me (Just ask my husband)! That's a whole other topic though!

When I think about the days wasted being discontent, I automatically get this feeling that something needs to change. I can't spend another four years daydreaming about the greener grass. I have to find joy in the here and now. I have to live out my purpose in this life while waiting for eternity with our sweet Heavenly Father. I'm still breathing for a reason. I am where I am at this very moment for a particular reason. It's not to fulfill my plans and dreams, but to know what His desires and plans are for me and pray that those become my passion and my drive.

Bonnet:Woven November Vest: Leluna Star Jumper: The Baby Bird Boutique Boots: Sweet 'n Swag
As Kevin and I move our little family down south in a few weeks, I pray that we will find what God has in mind for us down there. I pray that we avoid secluding ourselves in a big suburban neighborhood and remember that our neighbors are our neighbors for a reason. We are being relocated to Charlotte for a reason. And no matter where we live, our priority is still to fulfill God's purpose that He had in mind for us before He even created us.