Four Months Young & Loving Life

Just finished up with our four month shots, and Hallen was a trooper. She's still sleeping them off three hours later. I think I'll just let her sleep as long as possible, because our two month shots were no walk in the park. And yes, I said "our." I never truly knew the meaning of "it hurts me more than you," until those two month shots.  She cried, I cried. She screamed, I held my scream in so I wouldn't frighten her. She needed to be cuddled all day long, so that's what we did. I'm hoping this time around she won't hurt quite so much. {ie: I hope she's not in so much pain, so I don't bawl all day long.} I've got the Tylenol ready for her, though...and the vino for moi!

 


I feel like these four months have flown by! Every day there is something new I watch her do, and we celebrate it all. There are definitely more good days than bad (I actually think her two month shots were the only bad day we've had), but I know those tough days are going to come. Having your heart outside of your body is some emotionally tough stuff, though! Just imagining heart break she'll go through one day or perhaps a broken arm just makes me want to take the blow for her to keep her in an innocent bubble. In my logical mind I know she needs to endure these tough things, though, so she can have her own faith and her own story. She needs to understand what true compassion is, what true love and hurt is, and most importantly what it mean to have a relationship with our Father. This is truly intimidating as a parent! One day, I need to sit down and just write thank you cards to all the moms and grandmothers and fathers and grandfathers who have raised children. Love has never been more apparent (hmm...parent is even in the word apparent...interesting).

I'm now 11.5 lbs and 23.5 inches long! A tiny and happy little peanut!

Hallen has truly always been a pretty chill baby. Since she came out of the womb she's wanted to sleep and stare at someone more than anything else. She's content. She's a lover of the present moment (something I'm learning from her how to do myself). Since about eight weeks she was sleeping through the night, and now at four months she sleeps 12-13 hours at night. The worst thing this beautiful babe does is drool buckets...and I mean buckets! I've joked about strapping one to her chin so we don't have to use ugly bibs or change her outfit when her whole shirt looks like she fell in the tub! We have created a little jingle using her name and whenever we sing it her eyes light up. She knows it's playtime or lovey time.

Hallen Amélie. Hallen Amélie. Hallen Amélie is a  {insert word}  baby! 

I know it'll only last so long, but it really is an amazing feeling to be the coolest person in her life right now. I mean...I figure this is the top of the "cool chain" for me, right? I was never cool in middle school or high school. But now that I have a baby, everything I do, makes her laugh and wiggle with glee! Pretty soon it'll be embarrassing and I'll be back at the bottom of the "cool chain", but seeing her tiny body squirm in excitement to see me or hear my voice brings tears of joy to my eyes (and I secretly give myself a high five for being the cool mom).

At four months, she also loves to interact with other people. She's never had a problem with anyone in the past, but now she can "chit chat" with them and giggle at them. She takes in all the different features of everyone who holds her. She especially loves watching your eyes and lips. As a mom, I adore watching her watch you. So, if you're holding her and see me staring at you, I'm not being creepy. I promise! I hope she stays open to being held and loved on by others.

 

Happy four months to this little peanut of a miracle. I guess you could even say that she's our
"mustard seed of faith" the Lord gave us to not give up hope; to keep the faith. She's a constant reminder of His everlasting, never failing, forever merciful, perfect love. My prayer is that this little girl has that type of faith one day.

“You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.” Matthew 17:20

Learning Curve

Being a mother has been so much more than I thought it was going to be. I knew I always wanted to be a mother...to many children. I knew it would fulfill some part of my being. I knew it was a calling for me. I didn't know that I'd learn so much about myself during the process of motherhood (it is a process. Believe me. It doesn't just happen over night)!

For one, I love writing on this blog and yet I haven't written anything in two months!! I have several drafts going about different projects we (well...my handy husband) have done around the house, cloth diaper comparisons, what's happening in life now that Hallen isn't a newborn, etc. I really need to find a rhythm for my life again. Hallen definitely has one with her sleep, play time, and when she eats, but I don't really have a set routine on what to do when she's asleep. I have yet to outline a schedule for my time. This seriously needs to happen. Dust bunnies accumulate faster than snow in Minnesota, dishes pile up higher than Dolly Parton's hair, and my ideas are left to sit in limbo just hoping my fingers will type one day. I do actually achieve things during my day, but I'm still left wondering why I don't do the things I really want to do.

Second, being a mother has showed me how much selfishness I still have inside of me! Getting married and seeing what a "gem" I was was no easy feat. It took time, communication, letting go of expectations I didn't even know I had, and sacrifice. It also took a lot of wine and coffee, but we eventually figured each other out (ish...enough to love each other and still keep sane). Having a baby was just another dose of having a mirror shoved to my nose to take a closer look inside at what was really going on and what selfish desires were still manifesting. It's a great wake up call actually! It's a totally different kind of love than what you have for your partner, so naturally it should bring these emotions back up in a different way. I had been told this would happen. I just wasn't sure how it would resurface. Just when I thought I was living less selfishly than my single days, throw a baby in there and I could see I was still living for myself, just in a different way.

Looking into eyes that Kevin & I created opened my eyes to things I needed to let go of and move down the ladder.What truly matters in life is shown to me every day just a little more.

Third, I'm one of those moms. You know...those moms that take 30+ pictures of their kids a day (modern day, social media type of moms) and want the whole world to see, because I don't think the world should have to live a day without a dose of Hallen Amélie. I mean...she's the cutest baby alive and no other baby does what she can, right? I digress. I definitely wear the mom lenses in life these days. I'm okay with that, though. I've come to peace with talking like a baby in public, poop being my subject of choice, singing about obscene, off the wall topics, rocking the mom bun daily, and dressing my little girl better than me. (She needed Ugg booties. Her wittle toesies were fuuuhhhhweezing!!) And one day, I know I'll do what I said I never would...wear matching outfits...probably at Disney World while wearing a fashionable fanny pack. 

You mean to tell me other babies can look this cute on a yellow rug?? No. No. Don't believe it!

Seriously? More pictures?

Becoming a mother has been the most rewarding position I've ever been given. I hope to never take it for granted, live moment by moment not wishing for the next milestone, and to relish in all the ironic and embarrassing parts of motherhood!